I know, i know. Its wayy past time for an update. I’m so sorry. For the last week or so I’ve just been completely out of my mind & my weight was the last and first thing on my mind.I’ve been so busy with school & my sorority that i’ve had no time at all to write. This entire past 2 weeks i’ve had nothing but enormous mental breakdowns! I don’t know what to do about it & i’ve even resorted to drugs. Nothing too harsh. Ok I’ve never told anyone this & don’t take this the wrong way but these are the drugs i have done: pot, opium, coke, aderal, coricedin, and zanex. ok. I jsut felt like i had to say it because i’m sort of one of those.. you know “good girls” and no one knows so i just had to get it out there…idk i’m wierd. I wish i would’ve kept my old xanga..i miss it. I subscribed to some new friends today..that was exciting.

ok ok I’m beating around the  bush! i’m dying inside!! My ex..who i still hung around with & even said I loved him ..well i’ve completely cut off ties with him 100%. Once he found out I was talking to another boy he totally went into stalker mode. He would show up at the bar & at parties i went to. He called me constantly! & finally i just snapped and totally went off on him. & the boy who i’m pretty sure i’m madly in love with (its a long story) just left for basic training for the army. He is going to be my main inspiration for the next three months. He has a long history of drugs and alcohol. He went to rehab when he was just 18. I knew i couldn’t have someone like that in my life for the basic fact that i’m easily influenced. (No one knows just how gullible i am, they all think i’m like super trend setter miss independent) well i’m not!! and i knew that i couldn’t be in a realationship with him because well we had sex twice both times the both of us were too drunk to remember..so there ya have it. lol. But I have such strong feelings for that boy. & no one understands it at all…they’re like “sara you can do so much better than him, he’s nothing & you’re amazing” but i’m not…and i can’t do better than him.

Anyways enough with him. More about me. I want to be 115 when he gets back. I want him to see that thin little girl waiting at the gate for her big strong soldier. I don’t want him to even recognize me. The lightest I’ve ever been was probably some where around 125 I think..honestly i’m not really sure..thats sad that its been so long. I just weighed myself and i’m an enormous 144! ew. thats 29 pounds in 3 months or about 92 days..something like that..so 3 pounds every 10 days roughly? obviously the first 10 pounds will drop like nothing but you won’t be able to tell cuz i’m so tall. 5’8″ then thats when the tough part begins. I have a final at 8am tomorrow. I’m going to take workout clothes with me to class so i can go to the gym at the school probably some time around 9ish. I’ll stay till people begin to come in for lunch. I don’t like when people watch me workout i’m very self concious. I will do tons and tons of cardio plus abs and arms…those are my weak points. I kindof like my legs but i will do some inner thighs too..any other suggestions of good workouts?? i’m kind of gym retarded…

well..i’ll let you know how things go. Peace & Love

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