I honestly have no fucking clue what my problem is. I’m driving myself crazy not having a scale here at my new house. I’m going to go buy one tomorrow…AND some more diet pills..any favorites I should try? I don’t binge..HELL I should be relatively happy with my eating habits. Nothing till about 5 in the afternoon then nothing after 9…shit! I don’t have time to binge. I’m scared I’m going to start purging again..I HATE IT! I eat probably around 900 calories a day..not the best i know, but I sure as hell shouldn’t be gaining weight??!! I haven’t weighed myself but I can tell by looking in the mirror that I am getting disgustingly larger by the fucking second! As you all know I’m a bartender & this weekend is our yearly “beach blast” as we like to call it. Its a HUGE party where like 800-900 people come all dressed in bathing suits and there are several contests like hottest body on the beach & all kinds of shit like that. I mean I wouldn’t even enter one cuz i’m too busy doing my job, but the fucking bartenders are supposed to be the hottest girls in the fucking room! & i’m not gonna even compare to the girls that are going to show up with my saggy chest, flabby arms, & oh boy lets not even get to my stomach or my thighs! I just don’t know whats wrong with me. Its not making sense…I’m just fat, thats all..

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