ok more from tuesday.. we eventually found th building then drove around for like another hour to try to find a place to sleep. We finally just decided to drive like 15 miles back to the rest stop & sleep there for about 2 hours. So we woke up at about 6:30 I grabbed a coffee the we headed back into town. We were about 15 minutes late. I’m not use to traffic like that. We sat still for like 15 minutes. So we get there & there are like these 3 men outside. Old men. And they are protesters saying “its not too late to turn around.” and “slavery was legal, but that still didn’t make it right” and a whole bunch more stuff that I definately did not need to hear at 7:30 in the freakin morning. Any way we make our way into the building and it takes like 2 hours before we even started filling out paperwork. So I fill out paper after paper, then they take me to a room & prick my finger then i went to another waiting room & waited & waited & waited some more. Finally they let my roommate come in & sit with me. Then they did an untrasound thingy. & soo then I waited some more lol. There was a LOT of waiting. They gave me a valium to calm my nerves after  I met with a counselor lady. Then finally after about 4 hours of waiting & bullshit it was time for the procedure. I was so scared, but I just wanted to get it over with. My roomie had to sit with her back to the doctor & he got started. I’m not going to lie, it hurt. It hurt so bad. I’m a very strong person & i deal with pain really really well, but had it been 30 seconds longer or even slightly more painful I would have broke down. It lasted only about 2 minutes. Then the doctor (who was a total ass hole by the way) left & the nurse lady helped me get dressed (she was really nice) and I went straight to a “recovery” room. My roomie wasn’t allowed to come. The room had about 10 recliners & there were probably already 4 or so people in there when I got in there. I was having the worst cramps ever! Another nurse took my blood pressure and she said “how are you feeling.?” & right then I was just like “i’m gonna throw up. Can I go to the bathroom?” haha & I did. It was because I hadn’t eaten anything and I took that pill. I can’t swallow drugs like that. I always throw them back up. But after that was over I went back in& chilled in the chair & then she came over & checked my BP again, reminded me once AGAIN that i was anemic (duhh already knew that), and was like ok you can leave. So I walked out to the front room where my friend was waiting for me and i was like “lets get the fuck outta here, I want some soup” lol for some wierd wierd reason I wanted soup allll day. & I still didn’t end up getting any. We made it home finally & all i wanted to do was shower & go to bed, but we ended up going to the liquor store and buying a bottle of Jose’ tequilla & a case of beer & we came home & made margaritas and put our beach chairs on the porch and drank lol. Matt came over & a couple others. He ended up staying the night. I was drunk and we might have started taking things too fast, too soon. I’m scared it will just fall through. Yeah, we had sex. He was so amazingly gorgeous; all shiny from the sweat. & the way he smelled, the intensity of his eyes..I couldn’t resist myself I’ve never had feelings like this so fast for someone. I always like to start slow. It was so nice having someone to just lay beside. I hate staying in my bed alone. I just want to feel the heat of another body next to me. It makes me feel not so alone. He came over again last night. The same thing happened except I wasn’t drunk. I’m not a bad kid, really I’m not, but when he looks at me with those piercing green eyes I can’t help but to let loose. I’m leaving saturday for the beach for a week. He will be gone for 2 weeks by the time I get back. That give me almost one month to get back into the swing of calorie counting, fasting, and working out. He’s going to come back all tan and glowing and I know I’m not going to be a stick figure in only a month, but I bet i can lose about 10-15 pounds. I always lose a lot once I start back up again. I can’t wait to see the look on his face when he comes back and see’s how gorgeous I’m going to look. Bronze skin, hair lighter from the sun, and a flatter stomach. He will be in shock and I can’t wait.

 

Am I setting myself up for disaster?

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