I should have known. Nothing can ever work out for me. I should have known. I should have known not to get too ahead of myself. He hasn’t talked to me at all since like 10 am on the day I left for the beach. He blocked his incoming calls up until today. Does that mean incoming texts are blocked too? either way, He has neglected to call, text, telegraph, moorse code, smoke signals…HELL ANYTHING! anything at all…but no. I should have known better, I just should have. I am absolutely miserable here with my family. I have no one to talk to about anything. Its ok. I like being alone better any way. I’ve been writing little letters to myself. heres just a few thoughts

1. take care of yourself: don’t put poisons like empty calories into your body. Don’t let people take advantage of you. Yourbody is yours and no one else’s. —-Too late for that one. I should have known.

ok enough with my thoughts. I think them too much to actually feel like writing them. Its killing me not knowing my weight. Theres no scale here. Fuck room service. I want to go back to my shitty little apartment. 😦 I want to see Matt. Even though I should just say fuck it and move on without him back to all by myself which is how it should be. But sometimes it is a lttle nice to have someone to hold you in their arms. Oh well. He will be my motivation. I’ll run every day. Stretch to situps and pushups every day. Oh & when that boy sees me for the first time again…ha he will be in SHOCK! He’s such a bad, bad boy & I can’t resist.

I can’t wait to get home. I just want to get a gram or 2, stay up all night, go to bed at 7 in the morning and lay around till 5 in the evening not doin shit…especially not eating. Life is not as good as I thought it was gonna be…

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

 

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