Everything has been so out of wack these past couple of weeks. You know my plan to pretty much starve myself and do all kinds of excecises while Matt was at the beach? yeah well I came home for one night, got shit-faced wasted, got in a fight with my roommate and then at 3pm the next day i took off back to south carolina!…crazy i know right…that’s how hard I’ve fallen for this boy. He tells me just the right things that I wanna hear, but I think he’s using me for sex and he texts people all the time & I swear they’re girls…He never wants to hang out during the day & rarely calls me during the day..He says its because he’s working at his camp on the river & you have to be in just the right spot to get service..BULLSHIT..but I still put up with it. So lately I’ve be progressively taking my feelings out of it and using him in just the same way. I don’t call him and rarely text him unless he texts first..what ever…I should’ve remembered that I have no heart…What was I thinking? I still can’t get over the things he tells me though. He’s cried in front of me, he knows about my abortion (we both got really drunk one night & aparently very emotional) He knows I like to have things planned out. So he said to me “this semester is going to be the one that shows if we can be together or not. You can’t party like you used to (& thats ok cuz i know i need to cut back, last night a friend asked if i wanted to do a line with him & I turned it down..yay me!) You really have to stay up on your college work, & I will be going back to work so we won’t get to see each other as much. But after this semester is over I’m going to go back to school and get my business degree and within a year we will get engaged and then a year after than when you’re finished with the first part of your degree we will get married” OK SERIOUSLY! what girl wouldn’t want to hear that…honestly. Its not me planning shit out this time…its the guy! I just hope he’s being honest. I need to really start following that plan though. I can’t just take advantage that he’s going to put up with me being stupid and partying like this.

I got fired from my job…for being drunk on the job lol…i couldnt’ help it people kept buying me shots! so i drank them lol. But I’m applying at a classy restaurant thats relatively close to my house. It should keep me out of trouble & start making me some REAL money.