The title of this entry is pretty much how I’m feeling. I’ve never been at such an honestly low point in my life. Yes I have felt like I’ve been here before but when re-analyzing my situation I realize that my life totally SUCKS right now. Living on my own is great. We never have food…& I NEVER HAVE MONEY! I quit my job because I went out & got wasted the night before & was too hungover for work the next day…imagine that!! Why am I such a fuckup?? huh? any answers? So I have a total of $197.00 in my bank account and my rent is almost a month late…so I have $400 due by the beginning of december…hmm hows that one gonna happen?? ITS NOT! What in the hell am I going to do? My dad hid his secret stash somewhere..I wonder if he knows I was taking it? Hope not.. I wasn’t taking it for unnecessary things. I seriously needed it to pay bills and stuff. I have no back up plan. Yesterday was my birthday. It sucked..20 is such a terrible age. Nothing gets any better…it just means you’re not a teenager any more & you can’t blame things on being young any more. I didn’t get any gifts…My roommate took me out to dinner..I didn’t eat hardly any of it. She got upset. I don’t care. I want a 1 bedroom next year. Actually I don’t want to live here at all. I’m having such a hard time. I don’t have a scale. & I don’t have money to buy one. I’ve been doing very well eating wise I suppose…Only because I don’t have any food here & I don’t have any money to go buy some either.
I’m going to start donating plasma. Has anyone ever done that before? Can you describe it to me? Here we get $40 the first time we go, and then $45 after that…Then an additional bonus for each person we refer. That doesn’t sound too bad for taking 30-45 minutes out of my day right? Not to mention driving though. Its about 20 miles to my closest donation station. I can donate twice a week so mental math lol: I’ll go in on the 28th then again on the 2nd I can do it 4 times before the 11th which will be $175 right? wow! thats a lot. Thats almost enough to pay december’s rent. Also, starting in January I will have a job again. It pays minimum wage, but oh well it will be super easy and I can work whenever i want to. I’m going to try to get my hands on some beans & sell them..I’ve got to figure out something to do. ..Actually…there are 2 places near me that accept plasma donations. Maybe I could go to both of them! That would be good right? 3 times a week or so? hmmm I’m thinking YES! wow I amaze myself sometimes…oh well at least i’m not giving sex for money right? I would live under a bridge before I did that.
I’ve been having a really rough time mentally this past week too. My ex boyfriend who is currently in Iraq is litterally tearing me apart. I’m trying to be a friend and be here for him to talk to about anything that he needs to get off his chest, but ever since we broke up almost a year ago he hasn’t been able to accept the fact that we aren’t going to get back together! he’s just not what i’m looking for in a husband! I need someone more stable, but I can’t just tell him that….
more later gotta go get my drunkass roommate.. 😡