10 Pounds 3 weeks

whatarwe.jpg Anorexic image by blondexpunk

 

I remember doing that when I was a little kid. I even remember being really really sneaky about it. My mom would get mad when she walked in on me and I was weighing myself.

Today has been really mediocre. I’m bored & tired and all I want to do is take a nap. Its like one of those rainy days where you just want to lay around and do nothing. I’m not going to history class again. I’ve only missed it once & its not like I’m actually missing anything. I’ll go on the review day and learn stuff for the test and I will be fine. I hate/love classes like that. I like them, well, because I don’t have to go. && I don’t like them because, well, I dont’ have to go lol. I think I’ll go home, put a movie in, & take a well deserved nap. My brain is completely fried for this past week or so. I need to destress. Matter of fact I’ll probably pop a xanex & really sleep good. Wine & cheese party tonight with a fraternity. I won’t be drinking any wine & certainly won’t be eating any cheese. I may take some vodka or grab a beer or two, but I just want to hang out for a little while & try to keep my gut sucked in long enough to last through it without splitting the dress right down the seams..and its a freaking 5/6 and its tight!! That pisses me off like no other. I’ll probably post more later. but then again who knows.

EDIT:

Okay. Here it is. I normally don’t write how much I’m going to lose or try to lose or lost or anything like that, but I’m going to put it out there and say that I am going to lose 10 pounds in three weeks. I KNOW I can do it. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it agian. Nothing is going to stop me. I will keep everyone updated on how I am doing and on friday after I get paid I’m going to go buy a bottle of hydroxycut. I keep hearing that’s the best out there right now. Any other suggestions instead? I can’t wait to be 10 pounds thinner. I wonder what everyone will say. ESPECIALLY after spring break when they all come back. I’m not going anywhere so that I can work & make some real money. The rule at my job is when school is going on you can only have 20 hours a week & i usually don’t even get that many. So I’m gonna hit the jackpot during spring break. HA! My roommate better watch out! She’s getting fatter and I’m going to be getting thinner. I hate her!

For some reason today was much better than this past entire like THREE WEEKS! I’m really glad. I mean, I had nothing to actually be happy about, but I just wasn’t as depressed as usual. I had a chicken wrap today on a tomato shell with fat free ranch dressing. Not the best, but not the worst either. Thats all for today. I was really proud of myself yesterday. I said I wasn’t going to drink & I really didn’t! That may not seem like such a big deal to some of you, but I honestly think I was a borderline alcoholic at the age of 19..how terrible. This world is so fucked up these days. Kids drinking & doing drugs at the age of like 10!! && a lot of times its with their parents! I used to be a pretty good kid. I would say my parents raised me relatively well. In high school, I didn’t do drugs. Well..once I took like a million of those coriceden pills or however you spell it. The ones that make you trip out real bad. Not recommended!..& I didn’t really drink either. Not til senior trip. That was the first time I got drunk. College though…now thats what really fucked me up. I almost wish I never joined a sorority. I mean, I would never have met a lot of the friends that I have & had the opportunities that I’ve been given, but in another way I probably wouldn’t have made the same mistakes that I’ve made. Oh boy, & believe me, they’re fucked up!

 

wow…so my ex  just called me..the one thats in the Army..annnnd then he hung up on me cuz I said that a word he made up was stupid.?? um yeah & I was the immature one? Whatever. I don’t even want to talk to him again. I mean, I would never wish anything bad upon him, but WE’RE DONE! What don’t guys understand about that?!! Its been over a year! DONEEEE! Okay, enough with that rant lol. I’ll change my website around soon. I’m bored with this one & need some bright colors or something.

HAH! I just saw the funniest commerical EVER! These girls are working at some kind of convenience store & they have name tags on “emma” and “julia” the one girl asks the other something & then her reaction is “Thats sooo GAY”.. so some woman walks up & goes “thats soo Emma and Julia” haha! Its something about not using the word gay to describe something GAY!!…rediculous.

Home now to clean real quick, especially my ROOM. Then probably to my rents real quick then back to campus to go to the library. EW! I hate school.

Sooo today I went to court for my “driving with a measurabe amount” and another charge got brought up..GREATTT. My roommate took something from the station & now I’m getting charged with an accessory to the crime!! WTF!? I didn’t even know! UGH! She’s an idiot! I don’t know what to do. A part of me just wants to move back home ) :  but I don’t want it to look like I failed. Everyone was right. I never should’ve even moved out. I’m a complete failure. Why can’t I just get shit together & get it together RIGHT for once! I’m an idiot. I need to get caught up on my homework BIG TIME, keep eating right & working out, get this stupid court shit out of the way, and just get my entire life together! I’m stupid and foolish…and cold..really cold..I haven’t been warm since I woke up I hate days like that. Like when you wake up and can’t get warm all day. Well speaking of homework & stuff I’m gonna get some of it knocked out of the way. I really have to start going to class more regularly.

 

EDIT: Ohh today is totally the worst day I’ve ever had..& according to my lawyer theres more from where that came from. GREAT! PS Lawyers make AMAZING money..too bad I’d never be able to get into/pass law school. over $200 an hour! and thats just for my dinky old dude..i can’t even imagine people that do those huge case like OJ Simpson & shit.  craaaazyyyy. I’m not drinking tonight & probably won’t be eating anything else today either. I know in the earlier post I was bitching at myself for not going to class, but I’m not going to go to my history class today. Its been such a long day. What I think i’m going to do instead is at 3 go tanning, then make a million jello shots for tonight. Those don’t take long to settle right? Then as soon as I finish that I’ll go get my nails filled. I should be done with that stuff by oh i dunno..5ish?..actually maybe i’ll do nails then shooters..cuz i need cups and jello haha and vodka that might be useful. & the party doesn’t start til 9:30 so i could probably nap til like 7:30 or 8 and then just run the curling iron through my hair & throw on some eyeliner & be fine. i don’t care anyway. I don’t have anyone to impress, let alone feel like impressing! ugh! people piss me off & boys are rediculous. I’m gonna date some little high school kid and corrupt him. At least then I would know he wasn’t a freaking man slut!

On my own

I’ve lost 10 pounds in about a month. I’ve finally started using my resources that are available to me, like the recreation facility at my school. I’ve increased my endurance like no other. I forgot how good it felt to work out & be sore the next day. Unfortunately for the last week & a half I’ve been so sick that I barely even made it to some of my classes. I’m getting a lot better, but still have a lot of upper respiratory pressure. Valentine’s Day was terrible!..Not only did I not have a Valentine..no biggie I’m used to it, but I got pulled over & almost got a DUI!! I ahve to go to court on tuesday since I’m underage and voluntarily give up my license for 30 days and some other stuff to get all of this stuff erased from my driving and criminal record..Just my luck right? Its been a rough week to say the least. My parents are really disappointed, my ex thats in the army has been sending me stuff left and right, but changed his passwords on all of his stuff so now i can’t creep on him lol, and he won’t talk to me at all?? wiiiierd, another roommate just moved in which means drama times 10, I’m really stressed with school, but on the plus side I’m not going OUT drinking until st. patty’s day (i will probably have a beer here and there, but not get black out drunk like I’m so used to doing) Again, all of my friends from high school are getting married and having babies..I musta missed the bus.. I’m not ready for that I know, but I wish I was. I’ve been tanning also, and i just feel a little bit better about myself, until this past week that is.. Lately I’ve been alone a lot and I like it. Just me & my puppy. I’ll ahve to put some pictures up of him. He’s crazy and getting bigger by the day. While alone I realized how much I think..I know that sounds kind of stupid, but I just catch myself drifting off into thought about music, future, language, travel…All kinds of wierd stuff. I really need to start writing all of it down & thats probably what I’ll start doing. Well gotta go get ready for some pictures..yay..I hate having my pic taken..