2 down – 8 to go

 Well I’m two down. Thats easier than I thought it’d be. Especially since I’ve been pigging out at my parents house a lot. To tell you the truth today is kind of a sad day. I don’t come from a very big town & if you’re in the right group of people, you pretty much know everyone worth knowing, so all in all its a pretty big circle. Anyway, last year a girl from another school in the county committed suicide by ODing on over the counter pain pills.. I think it was like tylenol or something and alcohol…Over a GUY! Well, today is her birthday, so I’ve just had a lot on my mind about that kind of stuff. I didn’t know her personally at all, but like I said everyone knows everyone. I think that sometimes people don’t realize how things get blown out of proportion & sometimes things that yousay that you don’t think could hurt someone really REALLY hurt. She was absolutely beautiful. She had an amazing family, she was blonde, tan, thin. Kind of like one of those story book things. Honestly, I think its the pretty ones you really have to worry about. The ones that, to the outsiders, look like they have everything at their fingertips. Money, beauty, family, friends, boys..etc.. But those are the ones that have to put up a front. Those are the girls that cry themselves to sleep every night because they know that in the morning they’re going to have to put on that make-up & that pretty smile & be someone that they’re not. ..well not necessarily someone that they’re not, but if you’re always the happy pretty girl You can’t just roll out of bed, eyes swollen from crying for hours, and go to school and expect there to NOT be talk. I remember being that girl…kind of.. I always was the happy girl. I always had a smile on my face. Not the face that I woke up at 4 am to work out, shower, paint on my makeup, work almost an hour on my hair & spent money I didn’t have for the outfit that I wore that day. ..Not that face. Just the face of the happiest little girl ever, the one with out a care in the world, the one that never ever frowned or cried. Now I’m just the girl that blends into the crowd. No longer then skinny one, or the one with the gorgeous long blonde hair, the one with the amazing year round tan & perfect skin. Now, now I’m the girl that can’t find her smile, can’t fit into her pretty expesive clothes..& even if she could manage to squeaze into them I wouldn’t look good. My hair is just normal, normal length, normal cut, sometimes I curl it, but no one notices that from a messy bun on top of my head, so why even bother. No comments on when I take a break from sweats and over sized hoodies that hide my ugly fat to wear my clothes that actually fit and I feel thin enough to wear them. Not a single word. I wonder what has changed..? My confidence has absolutely plumitted from 2 summers ago when I got my braces on. Its been 18 months so far. I can’t wait to get them off. ..then again I was about 15 pounds lighter too…I’m going to keep it up with this 10 pounds in three weeks thing and I have an orthodontist appointment on the 19th of this month. Maybe I’ll get lucky..I doubt it though. I don’t even look forward to getting them off becuse every time I get my hopes up I get shut down. WITH EVERYTHING. The least I can do it do something I can control! Like my weight. I don’t HAVE to eat. I’m done eating for the rest of the day and after work I’m going to go work out. Wow, today is going to be a long day. 9A-11P non-stop. Hopefully I make some good money tonight. I could really use it.

Intake:

Turkey wrap on a tomato shell with lettuce and light ranch dressing. More than I wanted to, but not as bad as it could have been . That will be all for today. I may have a diet dr. pepper and I’m going to stop at the gas station for another pack of cigarettes.

Out take: 300 cals or more on the treadmill. Since I’m staying at my parents I can do it at home. Thats good.

 

Gotta go to my 2nd job. Maybe more later.

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