I will be under 140 or I’m NOT GOING! & I HAVE to go! I HAVE to wear shorts & a bikini top, actually I think holey jeans and a bikini top might be cuter..what do you think? I’ll try some stuff one & take pics of myself to decide. I want to look tan, thin, and pretty. How did I gain so much weight so fast. I haven’t even been drinking throughout the week. I thought for sure that was what was doing it. I want to look like a hot beach girl that when she walks by in the sand you can’t help, but to notice her. Why can’t I be THAT girl. Not the girl who tries to wear clothes that are too small for her, or the girl that tries to be pretty, or the girl that you can go the whole night without even noticing she’s there..I’m always ^ THAT ^ girl :(..not this week I’m not! I’ve got til tuesday. Almost 1 week. I can do it.
I’m only taking a 6 pack of beer with me this weekend. its a HUGE music festival. I actually need to go to the mall and try to find some hippie-ish kind of skirts and stuff to wear because thats pretty much what it is. A whole bunch of 70’s cover bands I LOVE IT!. Oh, the reason I’m only taking a 6 pack is because I’m sure that I will drink more if I take more, also, I’m planning on going home that night, but not if I’ve been drinking like crazy. ALSO, I haven’t been on a scale lately, but this morning when I looked in the mirror I felt that I looked smaller than last thursday when I wanted to kill myself I looked so fat. My situps must be paying off more than I thought they would. Here in a few, I’m going to go home and get my jump rope. I’ve never lost so much weight with so little exercise than I did jumping rope. It sounds stupid, but trust me, try it. It’s 2 pm and so far I’ve had a rather large green apple, but I never actually eat it to the core. it kinda grosses me out..as much sense as that makes lol. I just eat most of the skin off then throw it way lol.
I didn’t go to the funeral this morning. I couldn’t sleep last night and was up for what seemed like forever. I feel bad about it now, but I didn’t want to see him cry. and I feel like if I was there he would know that & not be able to let it out. i don’t know..I’m just making stupid excuses! because I’m selfish like that.