I know they say stuff has to get worse before it gets better, but for me it seems like its just getting worse to get worse…I found out the other day that my supposed best friend went to a wedding with my ex boyfriend that is in on leave. I didn’t care about that, but aparently he asked her to marry him and they were making out all night long. Talk about a knife to the back! Me & Him were supposed to go out sometime while he was in, but I knew that stuff would probably get rocky and I didn’t want to ruin his time while he was in, so I just minded my own business and avoided the bar that he always goes to. Then today I get a text that says “It was good to see you” from him and I wasn’t even going to text back, but I couldn’t hold it in anymore so I sent back “ya you too. Congrats on the engagement. She’s a good kisser huh? I don’t care who you’re with, but my so called best friend?? really? That knife in the back felt great!” So then he calls. I refuse to answer the phone because I’ve been onthe verge of tears every second of every day and all it would take would be just one little thing so send them falling. He left a message that pretty much said That she wasn’t my friend becaue I talked shit on her and to get over him because all I do is say that I am over it and that I cheated on him and have fucked every guy in town…

It just hurts so bad. My entire body hurts; my eyes from crying, my head from thinking too much, and my back from tossing and turning all night long & lack of sleep. My feet from working too much and most of all my heart because its been shattered by all that I know. It seems like as soon as I start to trust someone they remind me why I never used to. I’m sick to my stomach over all of this and I just want to get out. I’m home, the place I’ve lived in for almost 21 years, but it no longer feels like home to me. Home should be calm, comforting, relaxed…but this place is not. I want to go home. Home to the place where I really belong. I don’t belong here.


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