crying myself to sleep again tonight. It’s not that it was a sad night or anything, just that I’m home, and alone, and not tired enough to fall asleep without thinking of somethings…

So here’s the story. There’s this guy named Steven that works for my dad. He’s in college and only a few months older than me. We’ve known each other for about a year now, and as of about 4 months ago started actually talking to each other; and by talking I mean a few texts here & there and stuff. I got drunk and stayed at his place a few months ago, both of us were waaasted, but we didn’t have sex. Then we quit talking for a while and then about a week ago he said “Come stay with me” we’d been texting on & off but nothing more. and So ME being the DRUNK that I am went and stayed. I’m not exactly sure what happened but I’m pretty sure we didn’t have sex. I know we made out like HARDcore..God I black out at the most important moments & obviously I don’t want to ask him, “Hey did we have sex?” HA! SIKE!..but then the next morning I wake up & he’s gone. Obviously he’d went to class so I texted him & said have fun in class that I was going home, so I walkedhome and He texted me a few times throughout the day and then NOTHING AT ALLL! Until I saw him today at the bar, when he decided to casually come up and talk to me..WTF?! I don’t even know what to think about that??!! ps He sells a little weed, notta lot, bc its a small town, but he does what he does…so anyways one of the bartenders at the bar asked me if I knew anyone that was selling any so I told him I could get him some & I texted Steven..who was already there and he said he had it, but I had to ride with him. So I did, he counted it out, took me back to the bar, and dropped me off and said to text him later…God!! What the fuck is wrong with this world!? I don’t fucking get it??!! If someone wants to be with you, why can’t the just bewith you? & If they don’t, why don’t they just say it…

Ever since Matt I’ve been really wierd about people ignoring me. As you know, When Matt went to the beach and cheated on me, once he left he never said another word to me..AT ALL! So now I have a really wierd reaction about when people don’t talk to me… Oh great..another problem with myself …fabulous..lets just list them to show the world how fucked up I really am

Thought she was fat

Stopped eating/started purging

(so she felt beautiful) THEN..she was

Raped as a virgin

..soo after that she..

Lost “virginity” too soon

broke up with the “love of her life/first love”

started with drugs


Got into trouble with the cops

Failed out of college after being a 4.0 student in highschool..

and now I fear men, in general. I Don’t trust a damn one of them..I  dn’t mean to. and Now I’m starting to get desperate..Please let me and Steven get together..Please?


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