new years resolution: no more drugs..it should be easy. Plus with the Air Force breathing down my back I don’t have much of a choice.

I’m done with everything.. At this point I just don’t care anymore. I know its not good to just “not give a shit” , but now I just can’t help it anymore. I’m losing control of myself. I’m never happy anymore. I STILL don’t ever even want to get out of bed. I just want to lay here all day and not do anything at all. Now even people at work, a place I used to enjoy, are asking me why I never smile. My tips are suffering and everything. I don’t even want to work anymore…I used to LOVE working, now I hate it. I don’t have to be at work until 5 and I don’t even get out of bed until then. I used to like getting ready and doing my hair and make up and picking out a cute outfit to wear…now I just grab whatever doesn’t smell..I’m suffering in my own head. I wanna be anyone but me. This is serious depression. I’ve got to get out of here. I want to get married and start my life. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

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