My ex bf is a succubus!..or maybe its an incubus..whatever one is the dude haha. He really is. I went months without even thinking of him, then he comes into town and we hook up, now he’s back in Hawaii and I can’t get him out of my head even though I know it’s NEVER going to work out between us. He just gets under my skin and I can’t stand him..but at the same time, I’m comfortable with him and I think about when we were together and talked about getting married and all of our dreams for the future. It would be so much easier if things would just work out perfectly..I know I do things to piss him off too, but he’s so much more in love with me than I am with him. Don’t get me wrong, I love him..but I’m not IN love with him. Does that make any sense?..of course it doesn’t. I’m completely out of my mind.

I got my room cleaned up..and slightly rearranged..It didn’t work this time. It usually does. I’m doing fairly well with my resolutions-ish. I’ve only smoked 3 cigarettes today..and I have a killer headache..probably from the lack of nicotene, but it doesn’t seem to get any better when I smoke, so maybe its not? I’m going to try and curl or straighten my hair tomorrow for work (my hair is naturally somewhat scrunchy & nappy..especially if i don’t put gel in it) and I’m going to maybe go to the mall to pick out a nice outfit to wear..even though I’m almost completely BROKE..But I need to make tips and I’m going to be working with one of the really pretty bartenders, so I’ve got to look at least half decent. I think if I get myself ready & put on makeup & all that good stuff maybe I’ll feel a little happier. Maybe I’ll get up REALLY early and even get my hair trimmed..that sounds like a good idea. I know I need it.

Tomorrow, my old roommate and I are going to a state park nearby to take some pictures of each other..we do it every season-ish…its just something fun for us to do to get all dressed up and stuff. Plus I LOVE taking pictures. I used to want to be a photographer. Actually, I still do, but Its not going to happen. Why do I always give up on my dreams? I gave up my dreams of photography, graduating college, becomming a doctor.. Wow, I REALLY do suck! Hopefully the navy helps me. I’ve got to do something better with my life. I’ve got to get out of here!!


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