I haven’t been this depressed in a very long time. && its wierd. I should be pretty happy. I’m leaving for the navy soon (but not soon enough). My ex-the crazy one that would never leave me alone- is getting married..to a girl he just freaking met! and told me that we could no longer talk anymore, but that he’d always be there for me? wtf?! That makes no sence at all! I haven’t been eating much AT ALL..but its because I’m so freaking sick I can barely breathe..so, in turn, I can’t workout. I haven’t been to the gym in almost a week. I work 6 days this week and I can’t call off because I need the money if I’m planning on doing ANYTHING for spring break…and I can’t stop thinking about Shawn. I know its complete double standards and its rediculous, but its the whole “If I can’t be with you then I don’t want anyone else to be with you either” I can’t help it. I’m slowly getting over it, but no one wants to date me, let alone marry me! Its like I’m untouchable. I’m not sure why. I’m not the crazy party girl anymore, that used to be the reason. I’m down to 132, so I know I’m not disgustingly fat. I’m not drop dead gorgeous,of course, but I’m not terribly ugly either… I keep telling myself one of these days you’ll meet someone great, just be yourself…But how fucking long is “one of these days?” I just want to get out of Fairpointe! I know every single person here and nothing ever changes. The stoplights stay and their redundant pace, the passerbys smile and wave then proceed to talk about you being your back as soon as you’re out of earshot, the old high school friends pretend you don’t exist because they have moved on SOO successfully (gag!), and when you walk gracefully into the bar in high heals that make your legs look thin and as high as the ceiling, a gorgeous black lace top that fits juuust right in all the right places, everyone turns and looks then says..”Oh its JUST Sara” <–you have no idea how many times that has happened to me! Why can’t someone just say wow Sarah, You look really nice, or maybe someone ask if I’d like to share a drink..I do have feelings people! I really do! More feelings than you could EVER begin to imagine. I know they don’t realize that it hurts, but it does. It really digs down deep and tears what’s left of my heart and soul just a little bit more. One of these days there will be nothing left.


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