I’vgot to stop letting myself get so caught up in my own childish drama. Some things I should just stop caring about. I’m outta here soon anyway and I can start a new (better) life somewhere else. …Somewhere else where I’m not living all the lies, somewhere where I can just be myself. I need to start new. I can’t wait to start with a blank slate. And only give people what they need to know. My past will stay my past and my future will begin brighter than ever.
As far as Ricky…He hasn’t talked to me at all today, and only said like 5 words to me yesterday. I know this sounds kinda trashy/really low, but I’m gonna do something that’s going to make HIM think about ME for days afterwards without a single text. Maybe he’ll see how it feels then.
I think I’m terrified of intimacy. I’ll talk and flirt with a guy, but then when it comes down to him acually asking me out on a 1 on1 date I freak and make up some kind of excuse for why I can’t. Then I slowly ignore them until they finally give up, then later I get jealous in my head when i see them with someone else having that “perfect relationship” and I missed out & wonder why? If I can just hold off for a few more months everything will be just fine & I’ll be outta here and on with my new life…These months need to hurry the fuck up!