I have control issues. Wierd ones. When I was younger my parents were sooo strict, up until I moved out pretty much and even then they tried to check in constantly, drive by my apartment to see what was going on, and call my friends. Well once I showed them that I didn’t give a damn everything just STOPPED. There was no gradual let down, or you know the laten-ing of curfews when I was a teenager, nothing to let me figure out gradually how to do it on my own. So, when I entered high school and dating and boys became apparent, but I wasnt allowed to until I was 18 I decided to take things into my own hands. If boys wouldn’t like me for me, I would take control of that gross, nerdy fat girl and make her into something beautiful. Thats where the control started. I started to distance myself from family & the very few friends that I did have. All I cared about was myself and the ugly body I was caged in. After high school my first relationship was a stupid one. The boy, 3 years older than me, fell like a brick off a wall for me (the new and improved me, long blonde hair, thin toned body) but still unhappy with myself I gradually slipped back into my depression and let him go after I figured out that I’d taken all of the control out of that relationship. Whenever I have a job I always take on as much responsibility as I can because I want to run the place, i want to be able to give out orders and make people listen to me… Well, with Ricky I have NO control and I can’t stand it, but I know its whats best for me..But I have a feeling that this may go back to like when I was younger. I had no control over the current situation, so I grabbed tight to the things I DID have control over. Tomorrow, black coffee for breakfast and lunch..Since I didn’t sleep last night and have lots of driving to do tomorrow. Steph will probably want to go out to dinner since we haven’t seen each other in a long time. I will order a salad with fat free dressing or whatever the lightest meal is on the menu..and I won’t even eat half of it. Also, if we’re planning on drinking tomorrow night I’m going to pace myself and take it easy, so therefore NO SHOTS! NO CHUGGING! end of story, as long as I don’t do either of those I should be fine seeing as how I can’t drink like a fish.


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