I’ve had a lot of time to think lately. All I’ve been doing is working, therefore keeping my eating to a minimum. Usually 2 very small meals a day, if that. One is always wayyy too late though after I get home from working at the bar at 3 am. I don’t go to bed til about 6 though. My family says all I do is sleep. That’s not the whole truth. Yes, perhaps while they are at work I’m asleep because when they are waking up to go to work I’m just getting to bed. Yes, I may sleep all day, but it is still just about 8 hours, the same they sleep on a nightly basis I’m just on another sleep/work schedule. I don’t have my license right now, so I haven’t been going to the gym, but I have been tanning. Only for about 3 days now, but I already see a small difference. I still have a drinking problem. I blame it on no one, but myself. But, on the other hand, I feel like I’ve been practically ignored my whole life. When I go out and party I’m always the life of the party because I’m in a constant state of fucked up..whether its alcohol, drugs, or the combination of the 2. Ya know how they say “Nice guys finish last?” I feel like its the same with nice girls. I’ve always been the girl to help out guys with their girl advice when they were going after the trashy, pretty, skinny, wild girl that every other guy wanted, but it never was about me. It was always “wow, who’s that girl over there?!” Then when I walk over “Oh, its just Sara.” …That’s how its been my whole life. I’m just “One of the Guys” instead of “One of the girls the guys would like to have” Even through family issues I was just always there I was never the center of attention and I never felt the need to be, but SOME attention (good attention) would be nice sometime..Trust me, I’ve had my share of bad attention at family gatherings…plenty of it!

I’m just tired of being ignored. I’m all alone as it is and I’d just like, just for once, for someone to acknowledge me. And Ricky’s not here to do that. He’s almost 8 hours away and its impossible for me to get to him until the beginning of november.

Oh well..Since everyone else is going to ignore me, I’m going to be damn sure they notice me come halloween!!..if only I had some constume ideas. I’m tanning, so that usually makes me look a little thinner. I can probably lose another 10 lbs by then.. ugh but I’m bloated as hell on my period now..So I’ll PROBABLY be okay with showing my stomach..maybe. Any cute ideas out there?