Sick :(

UGH! I am really feeling something awful. Sore throat, stuffy nose, my ears are starting to hurt, and my eyes have that scratchy crusty feeling to them. For the past 2 days I’ve had that “after cocaine feeling” I know not all of you know what that’s like & I don’t condone or recommend it to anyone. I quit that shit a long time ago, but its like your throat is dry and you can’t get enough to drink ..I don’t know how to explain it. I guess that could be why I haven’t eaten much either. Oh well. I guess I’ll just be doping up on dayquil. I wish I could sleep all day, but I really have to get stuff ready for tonight. I have to work..:/ 3rd new years in a row that I’ve worked. I mean, I guess its okay with me cuz I can’t really drink anyway..I’m just tired and would end up in bed before midnight anyway. BRB gonna go weigh in. Mom just left and IDK how long she’ll be gone.

UGH! 130.2 I shouldn’t have eaten those damn crackers before bed! I would be right where I wanted to be had I not. I knew I wanted to be under 130 for this evening and I’m NOT! I’m definately not eating anything today and I’m going to restrict what how much I drink too. I don’t want too much water weight dragging me down. Ohh & since I got my new camera, I’m posting pictures as soon as I get to 126..even a few before & afters.

Ok off to the mall & walmart now. Gotta get a shit load of stuff for tonight. Quit smoking at midnight too! I can’t wait. I’ve been wanting to quit, just never really had the incentive. Now I get $50 out of it! lol

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130.2

CW: 130.2 130.4 131.2 132.0

Its 5:30 and today I’ve had a boiled potato with salt & pepper and a Skor bar :/ I haven’t had candy in a long while and today I broke down. I won’t be eating for the rest of the day, so I suppose that that’s not a terrible intake, but it certainly could have been better. I’m fasting until New Years at midnight and then I will celebrate the evening beginning with a LARGE glass of Champagne (at work) and ring in the New Year with an empty stomach, a warm heart, a huge high smile on my face, and false hopes of this year being better than the last. I have a bet going with Jeffrey (both of us smoke) for $50 that we can go from jan1 to feb1 without a cigarette. As long as I don’t get completely hammered and mooch one I should be fine. I haven’t been drinking much anyway, so as long as I can stay away from alcohol I should be fine. Same with Jeff, but that will mean he won’t be coming into the bar I work at as often which means less time together. I’m still not quite sure what I think about him. He seems like a very nice guy, but..Oh I’m doing it again! I meet a guy then as soon as I hook him I start pushing him away by counting out his flaws. Let’s put it this way: He’s a high class red neck lol. Meaning he like hunting, fishing, riding 4 wheelers etc..but he drives the nicest truck, has almost a 6 figure job at only 25 and it buying a house..They’ve got money that’s for sure. I always thought I’d meet a guy who liked working on classic cars, maybe huntin & fishin, working out (Jeff said he’s NEVER worked out, although his job requires a lot of strength) and someone that liked to look nice. I just have to keep in mind that breakups are okay. It’s not gonna kill you, its just going to let you know what youlike & don’t like in a guy.

UGH! I have so much on my mind. Fasting will help. I’m excited. Ok so 5pm wednesday to 12am saturday that’s 48+7=55 hours

Wow, I’ve got a 55 hour fast ahead of me. I can do this! I HAVE to do this. I won’t forgive myself if I don’t. I will certainly lose 2lbs Hell! I’ll probably lose 4 lbs by new years. This is going to be great! If anyone wants to join me I’d love to have ya. We can even text if you’d like. lemme know 🙂 Good luck girls. I’m off to work.

55 54 53 52 51 50 49 48 47 46 45

44 43 42 41 40 39 38 37 36 35 34

33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23

22 21 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12

11 10 9  8  7  6  5  4  3  2  1 

So, this is ending up to be a fast, but not really. I mean I ate the celery and stuff, then earlier I had 3 of those round/square-ish pretzels, they’re only probably 10 cals? each..They’re really small. I’m still restricting VERY heavily, but this just isn’t like my traditional fasts I’ve done before. Oh well. Almost 1/2 way there!

EDIT 11:40 am 12/30 Just like last time I’ll keep this post updated with my fasting information and if I have anything else I feel the need to publish I’ll start a different blog. I’ll probably post some thinspo after my CT scan today. Super nervous about that one, but we’ll just have to wait and see I guess. Mainly stuck with my fast last night I have 1/2 a french fry last night and ended up spitting it out, then on my way home I decided that I NEEDED to go to walmart because I really wanted pizza and i was going to get a lean cuisine thing I made it all the way to the parking lot and my perservierience took over and I turned around. I ended up eating 6 sticks of celery and calorie free (YUCK) blue cheese. It really does taste awful, but if I only allow myself that, I’ll either deal with it or just not eat. We’ll see what today brings. I’m having period cramps. Usually I start around the 25th, but I haven’t started yet, so I’m kinda freaking out, but I am having the cramps, so I’m thinking its okay its just irregular because I’ve lost like over 10 lbs in the past month. maybe less.

Went allll day yesterday (even at work) with nothing. Then I got home, not even hungry, but I ate 8 crackers 140 cals.

8 More crackers this afternoon..why do I keep doing this to myself?!?! NOTHING for the rest of the night! Working out before work to burn those fucking calories form today and last night 280 shouldn’t take me long, but I’m going to double that just to be sure. I WILL be running on empty at midnight.

I suck at dating ….

Its true. I just turned 22 years old and I’ve only had 2 boyfriends my entire life. Not to say I didn’t have my drunken college days full (well not TOO full) of onenight stands and the such, but only 2 real serious relationships. The first one, Sean, was 3 years older than me and MUCH more expierienced. He pretty much showed/taught me everything I know today. We were together for about 6 months, then off and on for about a year. I broke up with him because he was so serious, talked about marriage and all kinds of stuff and me being the young inexpierienced college sorority girl wanted to go out and see new things and meet new people that I felt like he was holding me back on. We’re pretty much perfect for each other and we still talk about how perfect we are together…even though he’s married. We just met at the wrong time and I’ve come to terms with that. As for Kenny, he was just one of those childhood friends that everyone “KNEW” you guys were “destined” for each other..apparently all I was “destined” for was being used for sex & my apartment..He cheated on me and is now engaged with a baby.

Yeah I haven’t had much luck with guys. I’m so used to being single that I think I give guys the wrong impression. I need Dating Lessons. I always get so nervous when a guy asks me out. I like to take things slow. Sometimes I think the guys think I am uninterrested because I don’t try to suck their face (or anything else) right away. I often scare them away all on my own by doing dumbass things when I’m drunk though. I haven’t gotten drunk since my hunting expierience at the beginning of december..wow that’s almost a month. That’s the longest I’ve gone without getting shitfaced in a while. Jeff and I are starting to talk again. He took me to the movies last night. It was nice, I just get so nervous around him and I think he’s kinda shy around me too. We’ve been out twice and he hasn’t held my hand, or hugged, or even came CLOSE to attempting a kiss. I wanna hold his hand. Maybe I’ll make the first move soon. I think this could be a good thing. I’ve just gotta keep an open mind and not get too far ahead of myself.

As far as weight: I’m maintaining. I haven’t been trying to lose though. A guy at work today told me that I should enter one of those modeling things that have open casting calls. I pretty much just laughed in his face. He had to have been drunk. I just told him there was no way I could work for someone who told me what to eat when to eat it when to sleep what to wear etc. Then I said something about weighing 130 lbs and that I’d have to lose at least 20 of those to even get considered. He said “You weight 130?!?!?!?!!!” He pretty much didn’t believe it..So I suppose its a good thing that I don’t LOOK like I weigh 130, but DEFINATELY a BAD thing that 130 is considered sooo outrageous. The dieting begins once again tomorrow.

I’m fairly proud of myself for yesterday. Nothing til 2pm had a 170 cal healthy choice meal, snack around 6 which included celery sticks, green peppers, and cucumbers with calorie free ranch dressing (not recommended it was just awful..but I guess better than plain celery) & When I got home I had less than 1/2 a cup of fat free cottage cheese. That left me with a grand total of 250 calories. Now I’m just got to keep that up. I’m going to stay busy today, so it should be easier. There is a Christmas party tonight at work and I want to go to show off (I’m wearing a little santa suit-ish thing) Yes I crave attention even though I hate my body..Doesn’t make much sense I hate it. But I don’t want to go into work too early. It starts at 5 with a huge buffet of food ahhhh! but I don’t work til 8. I’m thinkabout going in around 7-ish, but having something filling before I go, so I won’t want to eat there.

I haven’t weighed myself in over a week. I’m too terrified to, but I have to today. HAVE TO!

Yesterday was awful. All I did was eat. It started off okay. Nothing all morning then about 3:30 I had some green beans because even the whole can is only 70 cals and 0 from fat, then I baked cookies and usually I never eat ANY of them, well I at some of the dough and a cookie, after that I had some fish and corn, then the fam went out for pizza :/ I had 1 slice and a salad, but they didn’t have any fat free dressing so I barely put any italian on it. I hate days off! Today will be different. Its easy not to eat when I work 8-close I can go the whole day without eating then we’re not allowed to eat at work, the hardest part is just resisting once I get home. Restricting heavily today. I’m thinking a salad, if that. We’ll see how the day goes. I hate being stuck inside with this crappy weather. Theres just nothing to do!

EDIT:1pm

I already have cravings. This is rediculous. Its because I’m trapped in this house, so there’s nothing to keep me distracted. There’s nothing but junk in my cabinets too. That’s the worst thing that could happen. I thought about running to walmart and picking up some veggies and stuff that I could possibly steam. Those usually fill me up fairly quickly withouth all the added calories. I’ve been craving salads lately too which I suppose is not such a bad thing. I need to pick up a few different kinds of fat free dressing while I’m out there..Setback=I’m too freaking cold to walk outside and its only 18 degrees!! lol Oh well, shivering burns calories 🙂

add me on facebook

Add me on facebook. Its under Sarafina Jade. I’m on there a lot more than I’m on here. I’ll post a new blog when I catch a break today. Super busy

 

EDIT:10:30am

My sleep schedule is finally back to normal, but I almost hate it. I’m up so damn early in the morning with nothing to do except try to avoid eating, which just stresses me out all freakin’ day until I cave and not only eat, but super binge..That’s all I’ve been doing for the past 4 days! I can’t even go back to sleep. I tried. I wish i could just work a normal job every day. Not working til 8PM sucks! especially on days off cuz its like uhhh what am I gonna do? I went to the mall yesterday cuz I was bored. I really don’t have money to be spending on gas to get up there, let alone spending it on shit I don’t need at the mall. Its just so cold outside, and even in my house, that there’s really nothing to do :/ Super boring. I wish we had a coffee shop in my town. I’d just sit there sippin’ my black coffee, reading, and people watching. I might go to walmart and pick up some fat free/ low cal stuff to eat and drink. I have to head out that way for my tanning appointment anyways. More later…Maybe even some thinspo

Sure, the pain is there, but nothing compares to the feeling of all this filth being washed from my body.

This weekend was dumb. I shouldn’t have gone. No suprise there. I ended up sleeping with Sean, that’s the ex from like 3 years ago that every time we see each other we end up hooking up. We still talk a lot, but he’s MARRIED!..I feel kinda bad about it, I know what its like to be cheated on and it hurts like hell. She knows I had plans to go see him. I’m pretty sure I convinced her otherwise..Hopefully. Friday, I ate a salad on the way down there, then drank my life away in irish car bombs, vegas bombs, and michelob ultras. Saturday we ate pizza and sunday on the way home I got an egg salad sandwhich on wheat (yuck) and munched on beef jerky. I haven’t even weighed myself. I know I’m going to be sick to my stomach if I do..but I really have no know how much weight I’ve gained.  I’m sure its a significant amount.

..Off to go step on the failure scale now. Driving to town after all this to get a hair cut and extensions and buy a tanning package. Lots to do before christmas/new years.

EDIT 11am:

I’m gonna go hop on the treadmill for the first time in ages. I’m not sure what made me want to do this, but I’m sure as hell not complaining. I’m gonna put on my under armor cold gear and layer on some sweats in an attempt to sweat out some of the disgusting toxins I decided to grace my body with this weekend. I know I won’t be able to run long, I thnk i’m getting a UTI and my kidneys are killing me, so I’ll break out the ‘ol tae bo 8 minute workout, my ab wheel, and the jump rope for a few reps. Add some push ups in there to help tone my arms a little too. I miss my old routine! I haven’t done this shit in YEARS!

EDIT 4pm:

Yeah I suck. Ruined my fast already. I’m really pissed off about it, but I’m not going to let it get me too down. The snack I did have wasn’t completely awful, and if I got down on myself about it I would get depressed and shove food down my face all evening long. Sooo re-do tomorrow..I need to make a better plan for my eating/working out habits. I’ve gotta stop this whole binge/fast/binge/fast crap. Oh well..Got my hair cut, bought the tanning package, laid..now I’m broke. Time for a quick nap then off to work

New Camera!!!

Hell yeah ladies! Only 2 hrs left of my 48 hr fast and I feel amazing! Not even the slightest bit hungry. Maybe I’ll go for another day? Sure why not. Well I’m down to 129.4 which is the lightest I’ve been in far too long. I started at 132.8, so I’ve lost 3.4 pounds. I’m honestly for the first time very proud of myself. Almost lost it today when I somehow managed to forget? I was fasting lol. I grabbed a fry, dipped it in ranch and it headed straight for my mouth. I quickly tossed it in the trash only getting just a little ranch. Lmao..How do you FORGET you haven’t eaten in 36 hrs haha..Sometimes I amaze myself. So a few cals from the barely ranch and a took a drink of orange juice, but only about 2 ounces, so that was about 45 calories. Not too shabby. STILL can’t sleep, but tonight will be better. I was out in the cold for quite a while and now I’m all snuggled up in bed, so it shouldn’t take me long to catch some zzz’s. I’ll most likely be in TN this weekend, weather permitting of course, I’m still going to keep a low cal diet to be sure not to gain anything this weekend. Fasting again tomorrow should make sure of that. Although, I might pack myself some raw veggies for the ride just so I don’t have the urge to stop at some greasy nasty sweat shop fast food joint that will put those 3 lbs right back on me.

Does anyone have any advice on what you should/shouldn’t eat when breaking a fast?

“I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains. “

- Anne Frank
I like that quote a lot. Try not to think of the hunger pains, or your stomach growling, or you mind driving you crazy over 
stupid cravings you know do you don't even want, but instead think of what all of that is stripping away from your fatty 
body. All you will be left with is pants that won't stay up barely even with a belt, shirt that used to be tight now hanging 
off of you, stares from hot guys as you walk light as a feather right by them..Beauty, that is what you are left with
I had a lady at work today and we were just making conversaion. I began to talk about abs and she said well gosh I bet if 
you would just do some sit ups you could have abs in no time with as skinny as you are. I wasn't sure whether or not to 
take that as a compliment or as an insult..Does she honestly think I don't work my ass off to cut lbs? But then again, she 
called me skinny..Of course from her it sooo doesn't count. She was huge. An elephant would look skinny compared to
 her. 23 1/2 hours til I get my new camera!!
EDIT:5:39am
I can't fuckin' sleep! This insomnia shit is killin me! 2nd day in a row I've been up This is rediculous!

I made this kick ass thinspo post and then my computer froze and took the whole damn thing with it..damn computer! This one might not be quite as awesome, but I promise, it’ll be worth your while. PS If you are interrested in keeping track of how I’m going with my fast check the post before this one. I’m just going to keep updating that one until its over. PSS If anyone would like to join me on my fast I’m coming up on 12 hours. Yours would be 36 and mine would be 48, but at least we could encourage each other. Message/comment me & lemme know.

Doesn’t that look so relaxing?

That’s what my hair used to look like! before I chopped it all off..I used to keep mine neater though

Not really thinspo, but I can across it and she looks like she just woke up from a 3 day coke/drinking binge/got rode hard and put away wet..wow

So tan & I like how these girls do their hair

She looks so delicate..One of those “take home to mom” girls

What guy wouldn’t want THAT as a xmas present

I like the blonde

I’d like to wear something like this to work. I’m a bartender

tumblr_l44b7j49y31qzxw3fo1_400.jpg

tumblr_l5tyoxJy4k1qbulrmo1_500.jpg

I know which one I’d wanna be..

The one on the left is 5’8″ 102 FYI

Okay..well thats all I feel like doing for now, but I will most likely post more later. Hope this keeps u guys going