“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. The thing is we don’t have to hate each other for getting older, we just have to forgive ourselves for growing up.”- The wonder years.

Life truely goes by far too quickly. I can’t help but think I grew up wrong or too fast or not in the right place..A lot of those things I have no control over but I just sometimes wonder if things would have been different. I’m now 22 years old and it seems like I was just starting high school a couple months ago. Oh what I would do to be back in high school again. I really wouldn’t change that much about it honestly. Maybe stand up for myself more, but that’s about it.

I’ve kind of gotten over what Sean said last night, but its still weighing on my mind of course. I thought he would have called by now tonight. It is 1:30am and he gets off at 8pm hawaii time which is 1am here. Maybe he’s upset too, but he should still call. A few nights ago I mentioned my friend Mandi and told him that I was going to tell her about the baby. He freaked, but I just was like “Hey I’m gonna need her. You’re not going to be here 8 out of the 9 months I’m pregnant and for probably the first 6 months the baby is here. I’m going to need a support system and friends and most of all HELP.” He pretty much gave up after that because he knew there was no way he was going to win that one. Then he asked “So what are you going to do? Just stay in Fairpointe until I get back?” I was like “Well yeahh. What else would I do? Run off to God only knows where alone with no income and a newborn baby.” Then he goes. “Alright, well as soon as I get back I’m going to get you outta there. Hawaii for a few months for debriefing then North Carolina for station.” I’m not sure how I feel about that. He’s NOT the one that I’m meant to be with. He’s just not. As much as I try to convince myself that he is HE JUST ISN’T. & I’m not going to settle. I’m going to wait until this baby drama settles and he returns from Afghanistan and I’m gonna see how things go. I’m not going to marry him right away. If I don’t like it, I’m not going to sacrifice myself to forever with him. I don’t believe in divorce and I don’t support it. Yes sometimes people fall out of love, but if I’m going to marry someone, I’m going to do it will the full intentions of spending the rest of my life with that person. And being HAPPY.

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