If they only knew how often I cried myself to sleep at night. All of the days I didn’t want to get out of bed, not because I was actually tired, but because I didn’t want to face another day. All of the “Goodbye” notes I have written over the years just hoping I would fall asleep and never wake again. I agree, to an extent, that struggles make you stronger, but if its just hardship after hardship there’s no time to rebuild. Where is the eye of the storm?

My sister was one of the first people I told about the baby. Not even a week after the news she began texting me (she’s away at college) that if i did not tell them, she would. What an awful thing to do!! I Mean, am I wrong about this? She and I have never gotten along and for once I thought since we were “grown up” I could rely on her and go to her for advice for something. Instead she turns it completely around and makes it almost a punishment. Well, she finally let it go for a while and my, so-called, “friend” I guess has been talking to her and twisting & turning stories around. So last night I got a text from sister saying “Good to know you told mom & she said nothing to me. What a great family.” First off, I did NOT tell my mother yet, second, perhaps my mother WOULDN’T tell her because its MY business and not hers!, and 3rd..again with the “I ruined the family story” You wanna disown me? Go right the fuck ahead. Tell everyone you’re an only child like you always wanted to be! That’s perfectly fine by me. I’d rather not be associated with your “too good for where I came from” attitude anyway! I replied some messages to her and it was just threat after threat. We WILL NOT be speaking for a VERY long time after this is over. I’m glad she’s away at college and I never have to see her. I wish we got along, I really do. I need someone in my life who’s a real friend, someone who I can trust, you’re always supposed to have that in a family member and I have it in a dog. wow. I can’t wait to get away from here and live all alone with my baby & my dog in the middle of no where. Somewhere where no one will ever bother me and not insist on prying into my business all the time. I want to disappear. I need to get a new job. Start saving money. Lots and lots of money and invest it safely, then when I know I have enough to get us by I’m taking off. Car packed full. Baby in the back seat, Riot in the passenger, and all 3 of us with nothing but endless love & miles of open road. I don’t know who said running away never solves problems, but I’m pretty sure they’re wrong. Time heals all right? So if you’re gone long enough, eventually everything will be okay, right?

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