I want to look like someone else. Thinner I can do, just gotta wrangle that will power. I can get that killer tan and wear the expensive clothing, but I can’t change my face. i can cover up the dark puffy circles under my eyes derived from years of sobbing, sleepless nights. I can wear the colored contacts, whiten my teeth & pile on the make-up, but I still never look like those girls. I want to take a stupid “mirror picture” and have dozens leave comments like they do on “hers” You’re so beautiful, Perfect picture, Mic!, God you’re gorgeous!..etc. She has hundreds!! I can’t even get 1.

I’m almost 20 weeks. Of course I’ve gained weight because of the baby. My mother is making hints about my eating. She needs to stop. She’s lucky I’m eating. I went crazy there for a while. Said “I’ll eat whatever I want, For once in my life I’m actually eating”..That changed quickly. I still eat.. I have to. Its not just me I’m thinking about. Personally, I’d just rather not eat. But I’m making it a healthier diet. Oatmeal and a banana for breakfast. Last night salad for dinner. Grabbed crackers as a snack instead of chips and a popscicle instead of ice cream. Must keep working on it. I will have this weight off right after baby. I swear on it. It will be tough, because I am going to try to breast feed for a while because from what I hear that is the best way to kickstart the weight loss and shrink the belly and lovehandles that have re-appeared after years of hard work making them vanish. You’re not allowed to work out until almost 6 weeks after anyway, so if I can manage to eat healthy, breast feed for 6 weeks, and then hard core get that cardio kicked in, I should be okay. I can’t starve if I’m breast feeding though..Gotta figure something out. Baby is most important. BTW Its a girl. I will just hibernate until I am not longer a sight for sore eyes. I think as long as I keep walking this summer and eat healthy, I should be okay. It will be almost fall by the time I have her too, so no worries for bathing suits or anything like that. I can keep covered up until spring…Kinda sucks I have to miss my entire summer though :/