Down .2 from yesterday. Nothing too great. I’m in a little bit better of a mood today. I’m just starting to get TOO tired. I really need to get Jade & I on a schedule. I’m trying this whole transition to a bottle and its kicking my ass. She hates it. I’ve been super numb lately. Its just like every day is the same. And I mean, it is. We come downstairs around 11:30, I make myself some oatmeal and coffee, we sit around til its time for Jade to eat again, then I beg her to fall asleep so I can go out & smoke a cigarette, she rarely does..then we watch tv til my parents decide its time to come home, dinner, try to make conversation & keep Jade from crying, then its to bed around midnight for Jade & not til about 3 for me. Wake up, do it all over again. Josh has started talking to me again. I’m so bad at this whole “dating” thing. He works a lot, so I don’t want to call and bug him..Not that I have anything to talk about any way. When he calls I’m racking my brain for something to say. He’s a nice guy. I want to meet his family. Doubt they would approve. Family pictures for our first ever Christmas card on the 20th…hope I can be down a few more pounds by then. I’m already skinnier than my sister again, though. I just want to look good and have people think “Wow, she looks really great for just having a baby” when they look at it. I’m tired of this life except for Jade..Can I have a new one? I swear I’ll do better in that one :/


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