I told you I would be writing to say how badly I fucked up. Well..dinner was unavoidable One of those random “sit down” ones that my family decides to have once in a blue moon..Or when they think I’m not eating. It was sloppy joes, I had one with 2 tablespoons of sauce on a bun, corn-I’d say about a 1/4 cup and then a handfull of the saltiest butteryist popcorn I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was awful..sad thing was I didn’t want to stop. But I did. Once I got home from the game I was craving sweets so badly! all I wanted was a snickers or an oatmeal cream pie or something to that affect, but I made myself a decaf coffee and put a splash of peppermint mocha creamer in it and it worked. Not a terrible binge, but not exactly how I wanted to break my fast either. It needed to be broken though. Mentally I could have gone another day, but I hadn’t fasted in so long that my body seemed to be completely shutting down. My chest was burning, legs were cramping, and I’m not trying to make excuses but I don’t need to be passing out walking down the steps carrying Jade. For once, I’ve got to think of a little bit more than just myself.
The binge boiled down to a .2 lb weight gain, so today I need to burn at least 700 calories. I figured out that that is 1/5 of 3500 which is how many calories you need to burn to lose a pound. So at least 700 today to get rid of that .2. Dinner shouldn’t be hard to avoid today. My mother teaches a night class that starts at 7, so usually she rushes home to try to make something, but I’ll try & see if I can’t make some grilled cheese & tomato soup or something. The tomato soup would be okay to have a small cup of if I really feel the need.
I don’t really feel like this bee pollen makes me un-hungry, but it really really REALLY has been helpful at controling my night cravings. That was my biggest problem, not only would I binge on sweets, but it would be right before bed.
We’ll see how today goes.
EDIT: Also, I’ve come to find out that I really don’t like “Fashion thinspo” or whatever you wanna call it..A model on the runway with wierd shoes, an enormous hat that wouldn’t fit through ANY doorway and wearing what I would call a pillowcase is really just not that inspiring to me lol maybe its because I’m from a small town & if anyone EVER wore anything like that, even if it cost a billion $s people would avoid them at all costs, not think they were “fashionable”. On the other hand, I’ve been on pinterest all day and I really like looking at all the outfit suggestions they have on there. I’d like to get a few different plain shirts that I can pair with jeans, tights, skirts, etc and some scarves & cute jewelry & shoes to match. I’m terrible at finding stuff to wear ..like REALLY terrible. When I am shopping I need to consider the different outfits I can make with this shirt/necklace/pants etc..Instead, i’m kind of one of those people that says “Shit, I have an event tonight. I need to run out to the mall and find a shirt…that I normally pair with any old pair of jeans and dig through my closet to try & find a pair of shoes to pair with it…I just feel like I always wear the same ol’ things all the time. I want to be able to look nice, without spending FOREVERRR and I want it to look like I was able to just “throw it together”
This one is definitely my style. I love Navy & white..minus the heals. I like heals, but with destroyed jeans? ehh I don’t think so flats instead 🙂
I like how thin her arms are. I always have such trouble with my arms
I love how long hair looks (not hers particularly) on a tan thin back. I can’t wait to wear backless shirts again
Love this! I feel like if I worked hard this is what I could look like. Her hips are a little wider set kinda like mine (especially after the baby)
I don’t care what anyone says..that is not beautiful to me. I’m tired of this Big & Beautiful junk! Do whatever makes you happy. By all means..but I’m not going to die of type 2 diabetes or lose a toe, or go blind. etc…
I wanna eventually wear something like this when I work out
before & after
& not have to pull up your jeans over your fat roll..I did this the other night when Jay came over 😦
I don’t think either of those girls are “Thinspo” by any means, but I like the idea of a guy being able to lift me effortlessly. That’s what keeps me going 🙂 Pick me up and carry me away
<img style="height: 192px;" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/251286854178027166_Rcpvc83U_b.jpg" alt="YES!
I wanna wear tiny little hollister shorts
Alright..That’s enough for now. I’m gonna go smoke another cigarette because I suck & should do a quick workout instead before the baby wakes up.
EDIT: I’ve gotta do something to keep me busy!! All I’m thinking about is food. & Pinterest ins’t helping because they’ve got some awesome looking recipes on there. I need to not go overboard today or tomorrow because saturday is the Christmas festival & there is all kinds of delicious (fattening) italian food. I’m not going to go all out or anything, but I’m sure that I will be sampling some of the dishes. Would look too akward not to. Then its a birthday party for a little boy that I was invited to. Gotta not go crazy there either. I can probably say that I ate too much at the festival & get away with just some veggies..Surely they will have a veggie tray right? Damnit! I forgot that my sorority is having a dinner tomorrow night. I think I’ll just not go. Its too much work lugging the baby & all of her stuff around. Plus its flu season and the last thing I need is for her to get sick. Yup, sounds like a plan. Nothing tonight if I can avoid my mother’s akwardness. Tomato soup if not. Tomorrow, my dad will be out of town and my mother is going shopping after work, so I will just tell her that I am going to the dinner and then not go so she thinks that I am eating, but really I am not. If I can manage that, it should put me down to about 146 (hopefully less, but I’m not gonna push it) by saturday for the festival where I will most likely see Shawn (Jade’s dad’s) parents. Wanna make sure I look like I haven’t even had a baby. I can disguise it fairly well, especially since it is outside and I will have on a coat. I really want to go to it, mostly for that reason..okay well only for that reason, but its going to be freezing & I don’t know if I should have the baby out in it and there’s no reason to go if I don’t have her with me. I could see them reporting back to Shawn that I left my child alone with someone..dicks!
Distractions: Straighten/curl hair. Hot bath (i’ve been freezing all day) read Hunger games, build gingerbread house, start basket, take pics of Jade
EDIT: Wasn’t able to avoid dinner all together, but my mother didn’t put everything out on the table, so I was able to “fill” a mug with tomato soup. I put 1/2C in the mug and ate some of it very slowly by spoon, so it looked like I had filled the whole thing & it was taking me a long time to eat it. I ate most, but didn’t finish it all, so I’m glad. Shouldn’t be hard to avoid stuff for the rest of the evening. Just gotta keep drinking my water so I don’t feel hungry.
Baby just went down for her nap, so I’m gonna get a few quick exercises in.