I told you I would be writing to say how badly I fucked up. Well..dinner was unavoidable :/ One of those random “sit down” ones that my family decides to have once in a blue moon..Or when they think I’m not eating. It was sloppy joes, I had one with 2 tablespoons of sauce on a bun, corn-I’d say about a 1/4 cup and then a handfull of the saltiest butteryist popcorn I’ve ever tasted in my life. It was awful..sad thing was I didn’t want to stop. But I did. Once I got home from the game I was craving sweets so badly! all I wanted was a snickers or an oatmeal cream pie or something to that affect, but I made myself a decaf coffee and put a splash of peppermint mocha creamer in it and it worked. Not a terrible binge, but not exactly how I wanted to break my fast either. It needed to be broken though. Mentally I could have gone another day, but I hadn’t fasted in so long that my body seemed to be completely shutting down. My chest was burning, legs were cramping, and I’m not trying to make excuses but I don’t need to be passing out walking down the steps carrying Jade. For once, I’ve got to think of a little bit more than just myself.

The binge boiled down to a .2 lb weight gain, so today I need to burn at least 700 calories. I figured out that that is 1/5 of 3500 which is how many calories you need to burn to lose a pound. So at least 700 today to get rid of that .2. Dinner shouldn’t be hard to avoid today. My mother teaches a night class that starts at 7, so usually she rushes home to try to make something, but I’ll try & see if I can’t make some grilled cheese & tomato soup or something. The tomato soup would be okay to have a small cup of if I really feel the need.

I don’t really feel like this bee pollen makes me un-hungry, but it really really REALLY has been helpful at controling my night cravings. That was my biggest problem, not only would I binge on sweets, but it would be right before bed.

We’ll see how today goes.

EDIT: Also, I’ve come to find out that I really don’t like “Fashion thinspo” or whatever you wanna call it..A model on the runway with wierd shoes, an enormous hat that wouldn’t fit through ANY doorway and wearing what I would call a pillowcase is really just not that inspiring to me lol maybe its because I’m from a small town & if anyone EVER wore anything like that, even if it cost a billion $s people would avoid them at all costs, not think they were “fashionable”. On the other hand, I’ve been on pinterest all day and I really like looking at all the outfit suggestions they have on there. I’d like to get a few different plain shirts that I can pair with jeans, tights, skirts, etc and some scarves & cute jewelry & shoes to match. I’m terrible at finding stuff to wear :/ ..like REALLY terrible. When I am shopping I need to consider the different outfits I can make with this shirt/necklace/pants etc..Instead, i’m kind of one of those people that says “Shit, I have an event tonight. I need to run out to the mall and find a shirt…that I normally pair with any old pair of jeans and dig through my closet to try & find a pair of shoes to pair with it…I just feel like I always wear the same ol’ things all the time. I want to be able to look nice, without spending FOREVERRR and I want it to look like I was able to just “throw it together”

So cute

cute!This one is definitely my style. I love Navy & white..minus the heals. I like heals, but with destroyed jeans? ehh I don’t think so flats instead 🙂

cuuuteeeI like how thin her arms are. I always have such trouble with my arms :/

 awesomeI love how long hair looks (not hers particularly) on a tan thin back. I can’t wait to wear backless shirts again

Pinned Image about a 20 min morning workout ... why not work that into your day!?  thinspo #fitness #motivation #abs

 i WANT these ABS! #fitness Love this! I feel like if I worked hard this is what I could look like. Her hips are a little wider set kinda like mine (especially after the baby)

Curvy, fit & healthy!!! this is sexy too #fitness #motivationI don’t care what anyone says..that is not beautiful to me. I’m tired of this Big & Beautiful junk! Do whatever makes you happy. By all means..but I’m not going to die of type 2 diabetes or lose a toe, or go blind. etc…

fitnessI wanna eventually wear something like this when I work out

#beforeandafter Just WOW. This girl worked her butt (and belly!) off- literally! #motivationbefore & after

and not have to pull your jeans up over that fat roll... haha& not have to pull up your jeans over your fat roll..I did this the other night when Jay came over 😦

fitness Very..normal?

thinspo... adorabe outfit adorable!

...the cookies.. the carbs... the JUNK pretty... #thinspo

those legs... #thinspo #perfect #legs HER LEGS!!

Cheerleading I don’t think either of those girls are “Thinspo” by any means, but I like the idea of a guy being able to lift me effortlessly. That’s what keeps me going 🙂 Pick me up and carry me away

Gisele Bündchen by Paolo Roversi

life

YES!

<img style="height: 192px;" src="http://media-cdn.pinterest.com/upload/251286854178027166_Rcpvc83U_b.jpg&quot; alt="YES!

 thinspo thinspo I wanna wear tiny little hollister shorts

Alright..That’s enough for now. I’m gonna go smoke another cigarette because I suck & should do a quick workout instead before the baby wakes up.

EDIT: I’ve gotta do something to keep me busy!! All I’m thinking about is food. & Pinterest ins’t helping because they’ve got some awesome looking recipes on there. I need to not go overboard today or tomorrow because saturday is the Christmas festival & there is all kinds of delicious (fattening) italian food. I’m not going to go all out or anything, but I’m sure that I will be sampling some of the dishes. Would look too akward not to. Then its a birthday party for a little boy that I was invited to. Gotta not go crazy there either. I can probably say that I ate too much at the festival & get away with just some veggies..Surely they will have a veggie tray right? Damnit! I forgot that my sorority is having a dinner tomorrow night. I think I’ll just not go. Its too much work lugging the baby & all of her stuff around. Plus its flu season and the last thing I need is for her to get sick. Yup, sounds like a plan. Nothing tonight if I can avoid my mother’s akwardness. Tomato soup if not. Tomorrow, my dad will be out of town and my mother is going shopping after work, so I will just tell her that I am going to the dinner and then not go so she thinks that I am eating, but really I am not. If I can manage that, it should put me down to about 146 (hopefully less, but I’m not gonna push it) by saturday for the festival where I will most likely see Shawn (Jade’s dad’s) parents. Wanna make sure I look like I haven’t even had a baby. I can disguise it fairly well, especially since it is outside and I will have on a coat. I really want to go to it, mostly for that reason..okay well only for that reason, but its going to be freezing & I don’t know if I should have the baby out in it and there’s no reason to go if I don’t have her with me. I could see them reporting back to Shawn that I left my child alone with someone..dicks! 

Distractions: Straighten/curl hair. Hot bath (i’ve been freezing all day) read Hunger games, build gingerbread house, start basket, take pics of Jade

EDIT: Wasn’t able to avoid dinner all together, but my mother didn’t put everything out on the table, so I was able to “fill” a mug with tomato soup. I put 1/2C in the mug and ate some of it very slowly by spoon, so it looked like I had filled the whole thing & it was taking me a long time to eat it. I ate most, but didn’t finish it all, so I’m glad. Shouldn’t be hard to avoid stuff for the rest of the evening. Just gotta keep drinking my water so I don’t feel hungry.

Baby just went down for her nap, so I’m gonna get a few quick exercises in.

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  1. Thanks for the comment.  🙂  I know exactly how you feel about birthdays!  Nobody remembers mine, and any time I try to take time for myself for it, they act like I’m a spoiled brat for wanting to celebrate myself or something.  I think we should all get one day a year to just do whatever we want, without being made to feel bad about it.  I’ll definitely check out that bee pollen stuff, it sounds like it could be helpful.Sorry about having to eat dinner.  That sucks.  But it could’ve been a lot worse.  That’s awesome you only had coffee when you got home!I love the thinspo!  That outfit from Old Navy is something I would wear, too.  I’d wear the heels with it, though, because I’m short and I’ll take anything that makes my legs look longer, haha.  And I totally agree with you about being sick of the whole “big is beautiful” thing.  It’s really just…not.  It looks sloppy.Anyways, I hope you have a good day today, and I hope 2012 is better for you as well.  Take care!

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