I did it!

..then I fucked it all up. Like I said, waking up friday I was 128.something I think So I decided it would be a great day to kick off a fast, I was so motivated and everything. Well I made it through the entire day at work, then at home, and when I got to work the fatties working with me ordered potato skins. I avoided them FOREVER and then once they’d gotten completely cold and ever GROSSER I pulled off about a 1 inch piece and ate it…It wasn’t even good, but I’m not TOO mad about that. I’m mad about Saturday! I woke up and the scale said 125.7! That is what I had been waiting for! I was so excited that I’d finally gotten below 127 because I hadn’t for years..So to celebrate I ate 2 fucking hot dogs! TWO!! and then I get to work, & what do I do? I eat some potato casserole..oh no, it’s not over yet, I get home and my mom had ordered pizza so I ate 2 pieces AND a piece of fish…UGH just thinking about it makes me so sick. Of course I fucked yesterday up with a piece of pizza for lunch and baked steak and mashed potatoes and CHEESECAKE for dinner…So today is punishment. All I can think about is food. And I thought about letting myself have something, but I decided it was best to wait for as long as I could because sometimes I get in these moods where I just don’t stop for days on end! Today would be okay to fast, but I’d almost rather wait til tomorrow because i work from 9-3 then again at my second job from 4-8:30. It’s easier for me to avoid food when I’m not at home. Then on wednesday I work from 9-4 and the second job from 8pm-2am, so if I wanted to continue the fast into the second day I could easily do that.

If I’m going to do that, I need to plan what and when I am going to eat tonight. If I don’t, then I just freak out and eat all day and night. I would LOVE to have just an enormous salad with fat free dressing. I’m hoping that would fill me up and keep me from munching all night 😦 I don’t know what to do??!!!! I HATE FOOD!

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30 Day Challenge:
Day 01 – Your current relationship, if
single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 – Where you’d like to be in 10
years.
Day 03 – Your views
on drugs and alcohol.
Day
04 – Your views on religion.
Day 05 – A time you thought about ending
your own life.
Day 06 –
Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 – Your zodiac sign and if you think
it fits your personality.
Day 08 – A moment you felt the most
satisfied with your life.
Day 09 – How you hope your future will be
like.
Day 10 – Discuss
your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 – Put your iPod on shuffle and
write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 – Bullet your whole
day.
Day 13 – Somewhere
you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 – Your earliest
memory.
Day 15 – Your
favourite tumblrs.
Day 16
– Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 – Your highs and lows of this past
year.
Day 18 – Your
beliefs.
Day 19 –
Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 – How important you think education
is.
Day 21 – One of your
favorite shows.
Day 22 –
How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 – Give pictures of 5
guys who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 – Your favorite movie and
what it’s about.
Day 25 – Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 –
What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 – A problem that you have
had.
Day 28 – Something that you miss.
Day 29 – Goals for the next 30
days.
Day 30 – Your highs and lows of this
month.

 

Day 04- Your views on religion.

I consider myself a Christan although I’ve done many MANY un-Christ-like things and I haven’t been to church in years. I would love to become an active church goer again, especially now that I have Jade. I would really like for her to grow up surrounded by God’s love and followers. I do not condem people would are not Christian, but I do think that people should believe in some kind of higher power. I mean, how else would we have gotten here? I get mind blown every time I try to think about that stuff lol.

Day 05 – A day you thought about ending your own life

I bet not a month has gone by since I was 15 that I haven’t thought about suicide. Not so much since I got pregnant with Jade because now someone finally needs me in their life. But especially when I was drinking all the time and doing a bunch of drugs..and It’s not that I actually ever planned a suicide, there were just many times when I wished I was no longer alive. and that the world would be better off without me.

Day 06 – Write 30 interresting facts about yourself

1. I’ve always wanted to write left handed, so I often practice (nerd) 2. I love to read! 3. I used to want to be an ice cream truck driver or a marmaid when I grew up. 4. If there was a cream to remove freckles I would be on that shit. 5. I want a boob job. 6. I want 4 kids, YES FOUR. 7. I consider myself pretty intelligent. 8. I want a HUGE jacked up dodge deisel truck..pink please 😉 9. I’m good at managing money. 10. I cannot apply makeup for shit! 11. but I wish I could. 12. I like styling people’s hair. 13. I wish I looked good in baseball hats like some girls. 14. I love my dog. 15. I want to quit smoking, it’s the only addiction I haven’t been able to give up. 16. I want to live out west. Preferrable in the mountains in Idaho. 17. I love horseback riding and wish we had enough land at my house to keep our horses closer. 18. I’ve had several people tell me I look like Kate Hudson (yeah right, I don’t see it at all) 19. There is no way I can think of 11 more of these “Interresting facts”

 

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